Coaching Christmas Cards 2012
By Kyle Kensing
Last holiday season, SaturdayBlitz.com got its figurative, grubby little hands on coaching Christmas cards. I’m happy to spread more holiday cheer your way, courtesy of some from the sidelines and broadcast booths.
Jon Gruden
"Let me tell ya…this guy Clay, he really went through his progressions like a champ. His coverage on me going to take the Tennessee job worked out like a champ. That’s one I got dog-eared in my playbook as Cinnamon Monkey Orange Cone Scoop 5-Right. And lemme tell, that was executed to perfection! Enough people keep sayin’ I’m takin’ this job, or that job, and ESPN will meet all my demands! For watchin’ football! I’ll tell ya, you guys have me *this close* to landing that private island in the Caribbean I’ve always wanted. Merry Christmas!"
Craig James
Bobby Petrino
"Psst…hey Alabama. It’s me, Bobby. If Nick leaves, you know where to find me. Don’t worry about this little Western Kentucky thing."
Kristi Malzahn
"Dear Auburn Recruit’s Family: Merry Christmas! I hope you and your dingbat, bratty little punk have a wonderful holiday season. Just think, a year from now your snot-nosed jerk could be at an exotic destination like Shreveport (gag me!) for a bowl game, mooching off the hard work my husband’s done. That’s why we hope your son will sign at Auburn. War Eagle!"
Tommy Tuberville
"Merry Christmas, recruits! There’s nothing I’d love more than to see you in Lubbock, playing for Texas Tech. I believe this program is capable of competing not just for the Big 12, but for…"
Oddly, the card cuts off there. As if he just stopped midway through writing, or something.