With Game of Thrones season six coming to a close recently (along with several big reveals) its time we took a look at the great houses of Westeros as if they were college football programs.
(Warning: Spoilers ahead for those who have not watched through Season 6)
Every great house (or group) in Game of Thrones has a very specific aura about them. Some seem destined for pain and suffering, while others always manage to dodge the arrows zinging in their direction.
Some houses are ruled by corruption and violence, while others throw money at every possible problem. The Lannisters, Targaryens, Starks, and others all playing a game to get (or keep) control of the Iron Throne to rule the Seven Kingdoms.
Maybe Westeros needs a playoff too?
Here’s how come of the top college football programs in the nation would match up with a great house of Westeros, when you compare the histories, leadership, and current situation of each house and program.
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House Martell – USC Trojans
House Martell Words: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken
House Martell is seated on the peninsula of Dorne, and was once bound by marriage to House Targaryen. They seem to have a penchant for knocking off their royalty (or having them do stupid things to get killed), and currently they are ruled by bloodthirsty group of beautiful women.
Tropical climate as a home, known for gorgeous women and fine trappings, trying to restore their once known glory, with a sigil of a spear and sun.
This is USC to a tee, and even the Martell sigil and words seem to reek Trojans.
While the Trojans might have been kept at bay through some bad decisions and NCAA sanctions, you never feel that they are far from returning to the top.
The Trojans recently excommunicated athletic director and alumni Pat Haden, and have gone inside the family to help restore order and return to the top of the Pac-12 under the leadership of former Trojan great, Lynn Swann.
Next: House Arryn
House Arryn – Louisville Cardinals
House Arryn Words: As High as Honor
Located in the great Vale, House Arryn was once a very respected and proud house who remained neutral until forming alliances with the more powerful houses during Robert’s rebellion.
After the murder of matriarch Lysa Arryn (by then-husband Petyr Baelish), House Arryn was handed down to her son, young Robin Arryn. Until Robin comes of age, the house is overseen by someone who is a known manipulator and who has stabbed more than one lord in the back, that same womanizer and murderer, “Littlefinger” Baelish.
There could be no other choice but Louisville for this, simply based on head coach Bobby Petrino and his knack for going back on promises and leaving teams, programs and people twisting in the wind because of his selfish and manipulative nature.
Just as too many lords and ladies seem to give Littlefinger more than once chance, Louisville took a second chance on Petrino, which thus far hasn’t turned out to be the most prudent decision.
Next: Brotherhood
Brotherhood Without Banners – Stanford Cardinal
Brotherhood Without Banners Words: The Night is Dark and Full of Terrors
The Brotherhood is a group of guerillas who roam through the Riverlands. They come from different backgrounds, and will pledge to no house, but serve instead the Lord of Light.
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They are an intelligent, well-trained group, who take pleasure in becoming a nuisance to the Lannisters and Freys, and have an unorthodox approach to their work, but can be quite formidable, even for a small group.
No banner, a bit on the odd side, but always needing to be dealt with…the Stanford Cardlnal, through and through.
Like the Brotherhood, Stanford likes to keep things close to the vest, even going as far as not releasing injury reports to the public.
Stanford wasn’t thought of as much of a football power until Jim Harbaugh took over in 2007, and since then they’ve been one of the top programs in the Pac-12 every season. They have no real mascot (well, there’s that weird tree thing), and the Stanford marching(?) band is known for their completely bizarre behavior and costuming.
Next: House Bolton
House Bolton – Baylor Bears
House Bolton Words: Our Blades Are Sharp
House Bolton rose to power in the north through treachery and shady alliances. Once bannermen to House Stark, the heads of this house found gold from the Lannisters (along with their buried hatred of the Starks) to be more enticing than honor or loyalty.
It seems there was nothing the late Roose Bolton wouldn’t do to bring his house to prominence, including officially giving his bastard Ramsay his last name (which ended with Ramsay driving a daggar into the gut of Roose).
This is one of the most despised (and now seemingly dead) houses in the show.
Really Baylor is the only fitting choice for this house. While Art Briles and his bosses certainly didn’t flay anyone, their coverup of sexual assault charges has made a wreck of a program which seemed finally to be on the way up.
It’s all about the money and appearances, and Baylor’s leadership sacrificed the good name of a school to bring in that stream of gold. Who knows how long it will take them to recover.
Next: Free Folk
Free Folk (Wildlings) – Sun Belt Conference
Free Folk Words: None
The Wildlings, otherwise known as “free folk”, are caught in the middle of the ongoing conflicts of Westeros. All these simple folk want to do is live in freedom. They are unsophisticated, a bit brutal, reject all ideas of oaths to a house, and are comprised of many different tribes which had been brought together by the late Mance Rayder.
Currently, the free folk are in an alliance with the bastard Jon Snow and House Stark, having helped them to defeat House Bolton and retake Winterfell.
These are a persecuted people with a good heart, who seem to become pawns all too often.
The Sun Belt conference is all too often the butt of many jokes, and has teams from many different geographic locales within its membership. This is rag-tag bunch of a conference, and every once in a while they make life miserable for someone in the Power-5 (and in turn, make another Power-5 team quite happy).
The thought of many top program seems to be, if you don’t want to look bad and schedule FCS, go grab one of those teams from the Sun Belt.
Next: House Frey
House Frey – South Carolina Gamecocks
House Frey Words: We Stand Together
House Frey, the former bannermen for House Tully, played an important role in the War of the Five Kings. They were ruled by the crotchety, curmudgeonly Walder Frey, who sold out the Tullys and Starks in an alliance with the Lannisters, resulting in the dreaded “Red Wedding”.
It was clear no one really cared for Walder Frey, but he had been in place so long and had acquired some impressive wealth from charging travelers a fee to cross the Trident River at his castle (The Twins), that he was never questioned or replaced.
A minor house, which for a short time, played a major role until Walder was ousted via his gruesome execution by Arya Stark.
Didn’t we just say goodbye to a rather crusty, cranky old ball coach at South Carolina? No, Steve Spurrier wasn’t executed, but he obviously felt the pressure from many to step down, as he resigned mid-season in 2015.
Carolina carries the banner of the SEC, and for that they get a lot of attention, but outside of a few bright spot seasons under Steve Spurrier, there hasn’t been much to cheer about in Columbia.
Next: House Tully
House Tully – Army Black Knights
House Tully Words: Family, Duty, Honor
House Tully is one of the oldest and most respected houses in Westeros, and has seen their share of glory in the old days.
Unfortunately there seems to have been nothing but misery and pain for this once great house, which has now been all but eliminated from existence through various acts outside their control.
The Tullys once ruled the Riverlands and Riverrun, now both controlled by the Freys and Lannisters. While the sentiment is strong for such a noble house, it doesn’t appear that another rise to power is in the cards.
Like the Tullys, there once was a day when Army was one of the finest football programs in the nation. Their legendary battles with Notre Dame are part of college football lore.
However, the game has evolved into something that schools like Army simply can’t compete with, and they have seemingly resigned themselves to being a program which is truly an escape and extracurricular activity for the cadets who play football.
While we may never see Army rise to the top of the college football world again, there isn’t anyone who follows the sport who doesn’t absolutely respect what they have done and continue to do.
Next: House Mormont
House Mormont – Clemson Tigers
House Mormont Words: Here We Stand
House Mormont rules the Bear Island, a gift to them from House Stark, to whom they have pledged their allegiance for centuries.
In the early parts of the story, we know little about House Mormont except that their elder leader, Jeor Mormont, took the black of the Night’s Watch, where he became Lord Commander. His son, Jorah Mormont, was disgraced and stripped of his titles to the Bear Island for selling poachers into slavery.
Maege Mormont ruled the house during the War of the Five Kings, where she lost her life. The house is now ruled by the young and very intense Lyanna Mormont, who helped Jon Snow defeat the Boltons at Winterfell.
Is there a younger, more intense and beloved coach in college football right now than Clemson’s Dabo Swinney?
Swinney has kept Clemson from falling off the edge of the earth (where some past leaders had it headed), and has used his strength to build one of the top programs in the nation. Just as many were surprised by the power of 10-year-old Lyanna, they were a bit shocked at how quickly Swinney was able to bring this program to a national title contender.
Next: House Greyjoy
House Greyjoy – Michigan Wolverines
House Greyjoy Words: We Do Not Sow
House Greyjoy is a band of sea-folk who rule the Iron Islands, or they did until Robert’s Rebellion, when they were defeated by the Stark and Baratheon families, along with the other great houses.
The old way of the Greyjoys is to raid and pillage the western shores of Westeros using what was known as the Iron Fleet. These ships formed a fairly formidable force, but were never able to truly overtake any of the other great houses.
They are an isolationist house, who feel the need to bring others into their fold by means of violence and capture, but have been largely unsuccessful. The last living heirs of the dead king Balon Greyjoy – Thoen and Asha – are now joining forces with the Mother of Dragons.
Michigan, set far north and away from many college campuses, is under the recent rule of the stern and at times cranky Jim Harbaugh, who came to Michigan with the purpose of returning them to the “old ways”.
The biggest controversy surrounding Harbaugh are his satellite camps, where he brings his army to pillage recruits from other parts of the country who may not otherwise have the opportunity to meet the Michigan coaching staff, a strategy which has attempted to be thwarted by other coaches.
Next: House Tyrell
House Tyrell – Colorado Buffaloes
House Tyrell Words: Growing Strong
House Tyrell is (was) a rich, well-propertied and old house with a great history who had risen to become the Warden of the South. Their sigil, the rose, along with the words “growing strong” are a true picture of how the Tyrells used marriages and alliances to keep themselves in prime positions.
Their tepid pact with the Lannisters has ended up becoming their undoing, as with one fell swoop of vengeance and wildfire, Cersei Lannister all but wiped out the remaining Tyrells.
The house matriarch is Olenna Tyrell, who is now turning to the Martells to help bring justice for the murder of her children and grandchildren – no longer growing strong at all.
Colorado has taken a similar path to the Tyrells, finishing with a share of the national title in 1990, but showing declining results since then. They left the Big 12 to bend the knee to the powerful Pac-12, and since entering that conference they have struggled to survive, going through several different coaches.
They are both names which are unlikely to perish completely, but have a long way to go to restore order to the house.
Next: Night's Watch
Night’s Watch – Auburn Tigers
Night’s Watch Oath: Night gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no wife, hold no lands, father no children. I shall wear no crowns and win no glory. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life and honor to the Night’s Watch, for this night and all the nights to come.
The Night’s Watch was founded eons ago and have been the protectors of the Seven Kingdoms from whatever lurks beyond the wall to the far north.
Once a respected order, the Night’s Watch are but a few and are made up of cast-outs, criminals and orphans. The saying is that once you take the black of the Night’s Watch, all your past is erased, but you give up all claim to titles or land.
Punishment for deserting the Watch is death.
Likewise, if you find yourself kicked out of a college football program and seemingly no one else will look at you, there’s always Auburn. The Tigers seem to have a knack for trying to reform players who got themselves into trouble at past stops.
In many cases, they’ve done this successfully (such as former quarterback Nick Marshall), but in general it has become more of a running joke than an actual place for players to better themselves.
There are rumors than when a player graduates or leaves Auburn for the NFL, he can be heard whispering “And now my watch is ended”.
Next: House Stark
House Stark – Georgia Bulldogs
House Stark Words: Winter Is Coming
Does anything truly good happen to House Stark anymore? One of the most absolutely tormented of the great houses, the Starks are probably too nice for their own good.
They have helped house after house, in wars and rebellions, to rise to power and to the Iron Throne, but have never sat upon it and ruled in the modern age. Eddard “Ned” Stark was regarded as one of the most loyal and decent lords of Westeros, and for his trouble he lost his head.
Sound familiar, coach Mark Richt?
While there has been at least a small amount of joy coming from Winterfell recently, the deaths of matriarch Catelyn Stark and oldest son Robb sent shockwaves throughout Westeros and put the North on a path of chaos.
At Georgia, it seems the Bulldogs are always a part of the great plan, but never beneficiary of the spoils. They have been close to the top, but far from reaching it for quite a many years. Just as the Stark words “winter is coming” will eventually and inevitably ring true, if Georgia fans keep saying “this will be the year”, long enough then perhaps one day it will materialize.
Next: House Baratheon
House Baratheon – LSU Tigers
House Baratheon Words: Ours is the Fury
Powerful. Boisterous. Incorrigible. All words that best describe Hosue Baratheon and their fallen leaders…and LSU, probably.
It was the Baratheons who led the great rebellion to unseat the Targaryens and the Mad King Aegon, and once they took the Iron Throne, King Robert proceeded to piss the power away by spending his time drinking and whoring rather than ruling.
Robert’s brothers – Stannis and Renly – both wanted to claim the Iron Throne after their brother’s “accidental” death resulting from a hunting incident where he was gored by a wild boar. That led to both their parts in the War of the Five Kings, and to both their eventual deaths. Stannis, who is said to never smile, dabbled in blood magic to attempt his rise to power, only to see that magic backfire.
LSU has tasted power and been atop the throne of college football, but it seems that much of the bizarre and unexplained behavior by both players and head coach Les Miles has detailed the powerful program. They haven’t been eliminated, but they have been kept at bay by their biggest rivals.
There was in-fighting among the leadership at LSU last season in what seemed to be a revolt against Les Miles. He was given a last minute reprieve but could face the same usurpers this year.
Next: House Targaryen
House Targaryen – Notre Dame Fighting Irish
House Targaryen Words: Fire and Blood
The Targaryens conquered everything with their powerful armies and most importantly, their dragons. They came from the ancient civilization of Valyria, settling on the island of Dragonstone.
After their homeland was wiped out by the mysteroius Doom of Valyria, the Targaryens invaded Westeros and eventually won the Iron Throne. There were rules of peace and prospertity, and then came the last rule of the Targaryens, the Mad King.
Once the Mad King was murdered by his kingsguard Jaime Lannister, the Targaryens were ousted from power in Robert’s Rebellion. Now, the last living Targaryen, Daenerys “I-have-more-last-names-and-nicknames-than-anyone-alive” Targaryen (Stormborn), is crossing the Narrow Sea to take back what she believes to be rightfully hers.
During their most powerful time, there were few programs who could match Notre Dame. In the 1930s and 40s, they ruled college football with ferocious strength. But mysteriously, their power disappeared just as the Targaryens, and it has been a long haul for them to return to consistent greatness.
Brian Kelly may not be as beautiful as Daenerys, but he seems to have Notre Dame on the way back. Perhaps another shot against ruling house Alabama is in the future for this once all-powerful program.
Next: House Lannister
House Lannister – Alabama Crimson Tide
House Lannister Words: Hear Me Roar
House Lannister – despite many recent losses – still holds the Iron Throne, only now it is Queen Cersei who rules the Seven Kingdoms.
Once the richest family in all of Westeros (unless the gold at Casterly Rock has indeed dry) it seems there is no problem the Lannisters haven’t been able to overcome by throwing some money around and arranging for a few lucrative marriages. They use their power wisely (for the most part) and are has hard to get rid of as a dug-in tick.
However, despite a series of kings coming from the Lannister name, there is little hope for this family to continue much further unless Jaime Lannister abandons his oath as a member of the Kingsguard and fathers a (legitimate) child.
Alabama has been on top for a while, and every time is seems that someone has them beaten and done, they climb back in and resume their rule. Nick Saban is the ultimate king of college football at the moment, and his sphere of influence and money can be seen in every move made by the Crimson Tide.
But at least Saban didn’t destroy any ancient septs to remain in power.
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Will both Alabama and Queen Cersei eventually meet their end at the top? We’ll have to wait for next season to find out in both cases.