Mounting Problems Cage in Ohio State

With so much negativity piling up, Ohio State is becoming the college football world’s Nicolas Cage, more recognized for its folly than its performance. The Buckeyes’ Sugar Bowl appearance is seemingly as forgotten as Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call, and noteworthy only because some of the game’s stars could have been declared ineligible. NCAA investigations could result in a forfeiture of the Bucks’ Sugar Bowl trophy like so many Cage abodes.

The comedy of errors befalling OSU football has been so profound this offseason, what’s one more? At least the latest news out of Columbus pertains to on-field issues. Then again, maybe it’s not such an upgrade. Joe Bauserman is publicly tabbed as Terrelle Pryor’s stand-in during the five-game suspension. Bauserman has logged more professional baseball pitches than Big Ten snaps. Via the Columbus Dispatch, via EDSBS:

“The best comparison I can make is when Trent Dilfer was the caretaker of the Baltimore Ravens, and he led them to a Super Bowl victory (in 2001),” [OSU quarterbacks coach Nick] Siciliano said. “He wasn’t expected to go out and put up phenomenal numbers. He was supposed to take care of the ball, and they relied on their defense.”

Trent Dilfer as a best case scenario, ladies and gentlemen. The coach shouting to his recruiters “Get me the next Trent Dilfer!” is roughly akin to a producer (not Jerry Bruckheimer) ordering “What this picture needs is Nic Cage!”

At least Siciliano went that route and not Drew Henson or David Shinskie.

Ohio State will look to Dilfer It for five games, and not all are against MAC cannon fodder. The Bucks travel to Miami to face a hungry, young coach seeking his marquee win, then two weeks later host a Michigan State team that were it not for a loss to OSU last season, would have played for the BCS championship.

OSU is a team with very real national championship potential, but only if all the pieces are in place. The Tattoo Five make their return at Nebraska. While they get an extra five weeks to prepare for the Cornhuskers, they miss out on the obligatory Warm-Up Games against Toledo, last season’s last place MAC finisher Akron, and future PAC-12 South cellar dweller Colorado.

And while the Big Ten championship will certainly be in play come Oct. 9, a loss with the career 25-for-47, two touchdowns and one interception Bauserman behind center just might take the BCS championship out of consideration.

The Bauserman news comes on the heels of recent reports that an OSU player received a car bookmarked at $0. If there’s anything the NCAA frowns upon, it’s athletes whose sport generates billions getting goods and services in exchange.

Timing couldn’t be much worse. As findings mount, OSU could inch to a fate that no matter who plays quarterback the season will be irrelevant — and many seasons more to come. Dog the Bounty Hunter won’t be there to bail them out.