Yes, Virgina, there is a Santa Claus. And he’s coaching the Florida Atlantic Owls for one final season.
Zero Hour is here and it is time for football. Kiss your significant others goodbye, because the next four months will not allow for much quality time between anyone but you and your television. I am here to enable your potentially home-wrecking habit with the first Viewer’s Guide to the 2011 Season.
Among the things ESPN does really well and earns its moniker “Worldwide Leader” is college football coverage, and opening night is no exception. Now, tonight’s slate is not particularly tantalizing. There have been far more intriguing match-ups of Thursday nights past, including Oregon-Boise State two years ago with the fateful LaGerrette Blount punch.
The only thing headed for a beatdown in the primetime showcase is UNLV, which ventures into Camp Randall Stadium to lock up with the new-look and reigning Big Ten champion Wisconsin Badgers.
UNLV at Wisconsin
8 p.m. ET/5 p.m. PT
ESPN
Why You Should Watch
UNLV is a work in progress — A LOT of work in progress — which should allow Bret Bielema to test some different things with his talented backfield trio of Russell Wilson, Montee Ball and James White. The atmosphere at Camp Randall will certainly be electric for the opener, generating the kind of buzz football season is about.
Why You Can Channel Surf
Playing the role of Sensei John Kreese tonight is Bielema, because UNLV is going into a bodybag. The first half might be interesting, but dont’ expect a close one. Furthermore, Craig James is in the booth. James is bad enough in close games — in a rout, he will be in business for himself to nauseating degrees.
Western Illinois at Sam Houston State
6:40 p.m. ET/3:40 p.m. PT
SouthlandTV
Why You Should Watch
How did we function without the internet? Research is now a breeze, we can connect with literally billions worldwide, and football games that were previously relegated to regional coverage can be accessed almost anywhere. For FCS fans, this is an interesting match-up. WIU was a surprise playoff qualifier last year, but can the Leathernecks sustain that high level with quarterback Matt Barr gone? SHSU is an up-and-comer with 20 returning starers. The tone for the ‘Kats’ season is set tonight.
Why You Can Channel Surf
Not everyone is as into the FCS as I, though if you aren’t you should ask yourself why not. Let’s be frank, you can have a game going on the television and this on your computer. Just do it.
Murray State at Louisville
6 p.m. ET/3 p.m. PT
ESPNU
Why You Should Watch
This is officially the first game of the season. Granted it’s criminal UL isn’t opening against Kentucky, but even if only for a half all college football heads should really be diving headlong into this game after an eight-month absence. UL must retool its offense coming off a 7-6, bowl game-winning bounceback campaign. Murray State meanwhile boasts one of the most prolific offenses in the FCS. Watch out for MSU kick returner Dontrell Johnson.
Why You Can Channel Surf
Murray State may be able to hang with the Cardinals for a certain length of time, but the defensive prowess of Charlie Strong coached units should wear on the thinner Racers.
Montana State at Utah
8 p.m. ET/5 p.m. PT
UtahUtes.com All Access
Why You Should Watch
Utah’s Pac-12 tenure begins tonight without Matt Asiata at running back for the first time since roughly 1979. That will put a heavier load on quarterback Jordan Wynn. Montana State is a preseason favorite to contend for the FCS championship, and quarterback Denarius McGhee is a superb talent. The Bobcats nearly knocked off one Pac team a year ago — can they get over the hump this time?
Why You Can Channel Surf
This is another web-streamed game that works as the perfect coffee table complement to your TV. MSU is a very good team capable of giving Utah a challenge, so this is one I recommend. But UU is stronger in a few key areas, and if the Bobcat ground game is snuffed out early, it could be a long night for the team from Bozeman.
Bowling Green at Idaho
9 p.m. ET/6 p.m. PT
Altitude
Why You Should Watch
Who can forget the epic 2009 Humanitarian Bowl? Idaho and Bowling Green engaged in one of the best games of the last decade. This is also the first game of 2011 in the Kibbie Dome, my personal favorite college football venue. Just take Robb Akey’s advice and watch…”You’re gonna love it!”
Why You Can Channel Surf
BGSU is coming off a rough 2-win season. This could be much more lopsided than these two teams’ previous encounter, especially if the Falcon offense struggles as mightily as it had in 2010.
Western Kentucky at Kentucky
9:15 p.m. ET/6:15 p.m. PT
ESPN U
Why You Should Watch
WKU running back Bobby Rainey is one of the unsung gems of the non-automatic qualifying landscape. If he can make moves against the Wildcat defense, UK will get put on its toes. Meanwhile, the UK offense is undergoing change across several key positions.
Why You Can Channel Surf
This is the best WKU team…well, ever, but given the Hilltoppers’ brutal start to their FBS membership that’s a low ceiling. UK might have its SEC membership revoked with a loss, so the Wildcats won’t be asleep at the wheel.
FOR THE DVR
Jersey Shore
11 p.m. ET
MTV
Alright, so Jersey Shore isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Neither is huffing ether, but people do it. We come full circle, as Blount’s Boise punch opened our Viewer’s Guide, and the Ronnie-Situation fight ends it. What sort of backlash will ensue? Will the gang go out drinking? Will my IQ drop considerably from watching? Stay tuned.