College Football Coaches Reimagined as Harry Potter Characters

Dec 31, 2014; Glendale, AZ, USA; Arizona Wildcats head coach Rich Rodriguez (right) argues with a referee in the second quarter against the Boise State Broncos in the 2014 Fiesta Bowl at Phoenix Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

Draco Malfoy – Rich Rodriguez

We should give J.K. Rowling a lot of credit for still giving Draco Malfoy a tiny amount of something redeeming, since he’s a character we spend most of the series hating. (And hating even after the series ended, actually.) Harry Potter’s eternal Hogwarts foe is smarmy, bratty, and sketchy.

When it comes to sketchiness in the head coaching world, Rich Rodriguez seems to have a decent amount of it. When he left his head coaching post at West Virginia, he dated his resignation for January 3, the day after WVU’s Fiesta Bowl game against Oklahoma. He informed the administration that he would not be coaching that game. And in the end, he decided to leave early on December 18, telling the university with no more prior notice than the day of. Was this a classic case of Malfoy chickening out or just a classic case of Malfoy being completely insensitive to how his actions affected others?

Rodriguez didn’t to do better at his new head coaching position at Michigan. His first year there saw him post the worst season record in school history (3-9). The bowl game-less finish was the first time Michigan didn’t go to a bowl game in 33 years. Many players also transferred from Michigan to other programs, saying that they did not like how the team was being run.

In his time at Michigan, Rodriguez was also investigated by the NCAA due to allegations that the coaching staff was violating regulations. Results found that they were not logging player practice hours, that players were practicing way more than allowed, and that graduate assistants had been used as coaches to skirt to the coach quota. Unsurprisingly, Rodriguez was asked to leave soon after.

We can now find Rodriguez coaching in Arizona, where he actually clinched a conference division title last season. That’s the thing about Malfoys – even if they get down, you can never count them out.

Next: Albus Dumbledore-Steve Spurrier